Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS! I woke up today and felt like crap. Had the body aches, congestion, sore throat, and just wanted to sleep. Did not bother with make up, and barely bothered to get dressed. Just threw on some clothes, and dragged myself out the door to to work, had no desire to be anywhere or doing anything. Was there about half an hour before I came back home. Stopped at Walgreens and picked up some cold pills, came home and slept. Then I woke up and ate something took more cold pills and fell back asleep. Now I am up for the third time, and waiting for the last round of cold pills to kick in, hopefully, I can sleep through the night. So, I am kind of waiting that out. I don't want to fall out too soon or else I will probably wake up at 3 in the morning.
I just feel wiped out, and I am sure that there is not much job enthusiasm, and I wisjh I could figure out this Independent Wealth thing so that I could work on my own schedule and not feel as though I am selling myself short.
Had lots of strange dreams while I was under. The first round of sleep brought this one where I looked inside a slightly dirty white ring box, which was empty, someone gave me two skeleton keys after a lot of maneuvering, they were a reddish pink, sort of irridescent, and one was slightly smaller then the other one. There was another part where I was going through a container at work and I found a bundle of freshly sharpened pencils, all blue.
Then the next round of dreams had me and my dad eating some kind of whipped cream dessert out of a container, I remember it felt normal to have him there, he was hanging out with my mom and they were getting along. Then I was at work, and there were all these girls working in the back on sorting tables, one was made from part of our old shipping station.
Vicky said something along the lines of the work we were doing was stupid, and that nobody seemed to care. I said that we just need to advertise.
Then I was in my car, and the wheel was falling off, and my laptop was sitting on a pile of stuff next to my passenger window, and I was just gonna get out and leave it there, and there was someone in the car next to me that I could not see. I realized that if I had to fix my wheel first, it was propped on with something like velcro. I then found a tricycle, only it just had the left handle, and I had to wrap my right hand around the bar that the left handle was mounted to, so I was hunched over riding. I had to peddle like mad to establish any kind of momentum, when I rode past a group of people, this guy stuck his leg out like he was gonna knock me off, but, he just missed me, but, I still sort of fell, and when I looked down there was a pile of old books laying on the ground. That is all I remember, some strange things, likely created by the medication I took before I fell asleep.
It just makes me think, how active my mind is, how aware that I am that I am selling myself short, that time just keeps passing, and that I do so miss feeling enthusiastic about anything. There seems to be so little that I get excited about, and that worries me, that I need to find that spark, that light that gets me going again, and I need to find the right path, and I think that somewhere, somehow I strayed, I lost my way. I wish I could know when or how that happened, I can guess, but, I am not sure if I would be right. I can only imagine that it happened alot longer ago than I have ever alluded to.
There are sounds of movement in my house, I don't know if they are sounds of someone new arriving or departing, as I no longer seem to know the people that live within this house, kind of like the fact that I no longer seem to knoe the me that loives within my own house- me that is.
Who am I? Where Am I? How did I get here? Where am I going, and will I inevitably like it better then where I have been.
I know that I have been wasting my time and my life and for that I am tru;y sorry and greatly ashamed, and I can only ask for guidance and help to get me on the right path and help me to discover over my true calling, my ultimate happiness, and that I will finally make the changes necessary to make my dreams come to pass.
With God's help, I will succeed, so help- me.
In God's name I pray, trust and give Thanks.
Amen Dear God, Bless us all, Thank You, Namaste.
