Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
I don't know where I am going with this post, or what it means, or what it will entail.
I had some drama, and some cleaning this weekend. I started to realize, crystal clear that there are certain things that we will put up with for the longest time, for whatever reason, as I am not here to speculate on the reasons...then it' s like, why, am I putting up with this.
All of a sudden, it's like a light shines in...
Had all this work anxiety this weekend, probably because, I never checked my computer after Friday, so I had this permeating feeling that chaos was brewing. It was a lot of angst over a job, not a career, just a job, one that is not very challenging at that. I hate to say that it is uneventful, I will not use the word I hate- the b---ng word that I have never been a fan of.
I was in the middle of this post the other night, and I had to shelf it, cos' my mom called me back...awww. I love my mom, she is awesome.
Have ended it with John again today, maybe this time it will stick.
Cleaned the crud off my dashboard, and my windows, threw the garbage out of my car...will have the family in the ride tomorrow for our annual jaunt to the Broadway Market for the Good Friday experience, and, it would be awesome to have the car un filthy. I'm sort of thinking that we sjould all go out and tie one on, start a new tradition...doubtful, but, entertaining to consider I would say.
I seem to be getting far less emotional about the John related crises than I used to... I guess I am just getting over the whole thing, it's been years of this over and over again.
I see that if something does not work, you cannot force it, that only makes it harder. What's done is done, we could end a lot of suffering if we could just accept these things, and get on with it, come on, life is hard enough already, I would say
As for the rest, I am hoping that I can embrace my time alone, and really, utilize it creatively, not trying to figure out what went wrong, where would I start. I would rather create, and get some order, and finally have the peace that I have been seeking.
Sounds like a plan I would say.
Time to move on, and stop being stunted and start flourishing. It is Spring after all, Easter is Sunday, and what better time to renew yourself.
I have the Window open for the first time in months, and it is so good to have the fresh air seeping in the window. I need that fresh air It has finally arrived. YAY!!!
I think it's almost time to take a shower and put the wrap on this night.
I will be back soon.
Peace ,Love, Amen, God Bless, Namaste!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Hmmmm?
Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
You have to know yourself really well, o know who you are.
Thinks about that for a sec0nd and realize what that really means and reflect on that thought.
If yoou know who you are, where is the struggle?
The struggle is gone, that existential crisis is gone.
There is no longer no you to find.
The spirit goes.
You know who you are, so now what?
Does mans search for meaning continue, after man finds the meaning?
What's the point after that, when you realize what it all means, in whatever way you have arrived at it, isn't the point of this, what we know, gone?
Isn't that what it is all about?
To attain some level of awareness and experience, I mean isn't that why we are here- to experience the physical condition?
And then what...we go on to another, our spirit never dies, though our bodies will.
Always the necessity for suffering, why ?
We would not appreciate life, except for realizing that somehow, someday, all of our lives will be over. We just wants ours and our loved ones to live as long as possible. We dont want to lose, or be lost. Nobody does. It sucks. It's the sad reality that all things must pass away.
We must rejoice in all that is beautiful in our lives at all times.
So, why can it be so hard, why do we get so caught up,, and give ourselves the permission to forget that we have the privilege of the things that we have, as there are never any guarantees, and we need to remind ourselves.
I hope that makes you think. It sure makes me think, and I remember,all the ways I have allowed myself to forget, that I need to be, appreciating.
I need to remind myself, constantly of all that is sacred and good within my life.
I need to remember that I am blessed.
I get so mad at myself when I feel that I have fallen below my own personal expectations, and I get frustrated, and I realize all the ways that I fail, in my quest to do well.
I get all over my own case for all my misdealings. I know that the things that really bother me, are really important to resolve. I know that what ever it is that makes me really angry is pointing directly towards something that I do not like within myself, and I know that I have to resolve it.
This realization, like all realizations, that one has been a long time coming.
I could really use some help with this, in the most broad expanse of the word.
On that note, I will close this up, and sleep in these thoughts, wahtever they actually mean, and come to some clear headed conclusion.
You have to know yourself really well, o know who you are.
Thinks about that for a sec0nd and realize what that really means and reflect on that thought.
If yoou know who you are, where is the struggle?
The struggle is gone, that existential crisis is gone.
There is no longer no you to find.
The spirit goes.
You know who you are, so now what?
Does mans search for meaning continue, after man finds the meaning?
What's the point after that, when you realize what it all means, in whatever way you have arrived at it, isn't the point of this, what we know, gone?
Isn't that what it is all about?
To attain some level of awareness and experience, I mean isn't that why we are here- to experience the physical condition?
And then what...we go on to another, our spirit never dies, though our bodies will.
Always the necessity for suffering, why ?
We would not appreciate life, except for realizing that somehow, someday, all of our lives will be over. We just wants ours and our loved ones to live as long as possible. We dont want to lose, or be lost. Nobody does. It sucks. It's the sad reality that all things must pass away.
We must rejoice in all that is beautiful in our lives at all times.
So, why can it be so hard, why do we get so caught up,, and give ourselves the permission to forget that we have the privilege of the things that we have, as there are never any guarantees, and we need to remind ourselves.
I hope that makes you think. It sure makes me think, and I remember,all the ways I have allowed myself to forget, that I need to be, appreciating.
I need to remind myself, constantly of all that is sacred and good within my life.
I need to remember that I am blessed.
I get so mad at myself when I feel that I have fallen below my own personal expectations, and I get frustrated, and I realize all the ways that I fail, in my quest to do well.
I get all over my own case for all my misdealings. I know that the things that really bother me, are really important to resolve. I know that what ever it is that makes me really angry is pointing directly towards something that I do not like within myself, and I know that I have to resolve it.
This realization, like all realizations, that one has been a long time coming.
I could really use some help with this, in the most broad expanse of the word.
On that note, I will close this up, and sleep in these thoughts, wahtever they actually mean, and come to some clear headed conclusion.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesday and The Budget Crisis
Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
If you think that this will be about the budget and the high expectations of the job and all that...you can just forget it. Though a catchy title, it smacks too had of what has been chewing on me all day, and I see that this is an opportunity to vent, albeit, without expounding.
I realize how stupid some things are, how counterproductive, and we smack our heads against the wall, in vein. We struggle after something, thinking that it, whatever it is is going to make us happy, that this thing, whatever it is, is the answer.
It;s not the answer, it never is. I am truly coming to see that whatever we fight towards to acquire, is, the wrong answer.
All of a sudden it seemed today, I became FED UP. It;s like, the week has been a little off, all the way, and then today, I just had it. I realized how ridiculous it all is, being susceptible and capablef receiving another person's mood.I fell face first into another person's mood.
And, it has been poisoning me all day, and I am angry that I have allowed it. I'm sick of receiving other people's crap, and it is just a waste, very tiring, and I need to sleep on that. It sucks, and I will resist that in my life, every step of the way, every day, all the time.
If you think that this will be about the budget and the high expectations of the job and all that...you can just forget it. Though a catchy title, it smacks too had of what has been chewing on me all day, and I see that this is an opportunity to vent, albeit, without expounding.
I realize how stupid some things are, how counterproductive, and we smack our heads against the wall, in vein. We struggle after something, thinking that it, whatever it is is going to make us happy, that this thing, whatever it is, is the answer.
It;s not the answer, it never is. I am truly coming to see that whatever we fight towards to acquire, is, the wrong answer.
All of a sudden it seemed today, I became FED UP. It;s like, the week has been a little off, all the way, and then today, I just had it. I realized how ridiculous it all is, being susceptible and capablef receiving another person's mood.I fell face first into another person's mood.
And, it has been poisoning me all day, and I am angry that I have allowed it. I'm sick of receiving other people's crap, and it is just a waste, very tiring, and I need to sleep on that. It sucks, and I will resist that in my life, every step of the way, every day, all the time.
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