Happy New Year 1/17/ 2010

Create A Rewarding Life.
FAITH KNOWS!


Hello Again,

It has been some time, and I haven't been typing very well today, I will do my best.
Working on that new lease on life, though I have been stuck on the same. Have to break out of that. I have to get my chi in line, find my center and work from there.

I feel this tension in my neck and shoulders, holding my breath again. I have to get around that.
I have to fix some things in my life. Create some friendships, work on relationships, create more order, calm myself, pray more, RELAX, and breathe through the tension in my life, stop judging and fearing judgment, I wish I didn't feel like everyone was out to get me. I always feel like I'm the dork, it doesn't seem to matter how much better my style, my hair, I still feel like everyone is talking about me.

Vanity is one of those bad things. Seven deadly, I forgot which #, it just is pretty bad, wherever it stands. I feel like I have lost my way, and I need to trust the guidance that I am being given, I feel like, accidentally, I ended up appointing myself the worrier.

I hate that, who made it my job?

I just want to keep buying clothes, and being better looking, like some days lately, I feel as though I have never looked better in my life, like, I am getting better all the time, and there are the days where I doubt it. I started using WEN and I LOVE It. As long as I can afford it, I will use it. My hair has never looked better, I must say!

So, I go back and forth on the self esteem scale, low, mid, high, my self esteem has fluctuated. I love the good days, and I want waaayyyy more of them.

I always feel like I waste my Sundays, it's just another day that I am not a fan of. It's like the end of something good, Friday is wind down, Saturday is Fun, and Sunday is bounce back and get ready, it just goes so fast, and usually, I just feel like a slug, like today.

I just know, in a nutshell that there are so many things I need to do, to make my life consistently better, and I have to start somewhere, and just accept that positive changes are upon me. I have to start doing the things that I like, that bring me joy, and embrace the good, exciting moments, and make way more of them.

God, I need help, I need someone, somewhere to just come out of the woodwork, and help to guide me, cos; this change that I seek, needs to happen, and Man, do I need help!

Goodnight, God Bless, Amen, Thank You, and NAMASTE!