Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
I know, it's been a few days, and things have been busy, and strange.
I fell asleep and did not go through the whole night.
Awakened by a dream, that rattled my cage, and is somewhat dissipating already,
strange how the subconscious mind works.
Dreamt of John, he had met someone else, her name Was Zundiz, and people would say how much she looked like me, except for the nose. She wanted to spend all her time with him, and he had kissed her, this is what he had told me, in a strange muffled way, I would ask him what was going on, and when he would answer the words were garbled, indecipherable, and when I awoke I was kind of mad, and disturbed, off from just waking out of my sleep.
I will not attempt to interpret at this time, just make note of it.
We are in the thick of the holidays, Christmas is less then one week away, and it gets you to see how swiftly the time passes.
Christmas makes the transition into the cold, bleak days of winter more palpable.
Fa La LA La La
Lunch with the fam tomorrow at 1 at the Taste Of Thai, that will be a treat.
Errands tomorroe, lot of insight that I will wax upon when the mind is more ready.
My cats are very clearly confused as to why I am awake at this odd hour. I am usually asleep, and they are pulling for me to go back to bed, they are huddling around me, wearing their sleepy faces.
Gotta Love Them, I am so Blessed.
Goodnight, God Bless, Amen and NAMASTE
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Snow Day Continued Thursday
Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
Quick Touch...Dishes washed, coffee brewed, litter changed, floor swept, counters wiped.
Next...Is...The CLOSET.
Wish me luck, balance and harmony. By the Way, Bless My Family Again...still...always.
I feel a touch of accomplishment, and it is not quite 10 a.m. AWESOME, yeah.
A W E..S O M E..were awesome! That is Me and The Babies, awwww.
Both awake from naps, they were bickering over the litter box. Territory thing. Floof always wants to first cos' she Loves playing in it. Scratch, scratch scratch scratch...Well lately, Shashu is not having it, she has really been holding her own.
Time to get this started, I shall return.
Amen, Bless Us all, NAMASTE!
Quick Touch...Dishes washed, coffee brewed, litter changed, floor swept, counters wiped.
Next...Is...The CLOSET.
Wish me luck, balance and harmony. By the Way, Bless My Family Again...still...always.
I feel a touch of accomplishment, and it is not quite 10 a.m. AWESOME, yeah.
A W E..S O M E..were awesome! That is Me and The Babies, awwww.
Both awake from naps, they were bickering over the litter box. Territory thing. Floof always wants to first cos' she Loves playing in it. Scratch, scratch scratch scratch...Well lately, Shashu is not having it, she has really been holding her own.
Time to get this started, I shall return.
Amen, Bless Us all, NAMASTE!
SNOW DAY!!! Thursday
Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
So, after taking a personal day off work yesterday, we get a snow day today- so, instead of relaxing into the fact that we have the day off, I sit here and feel like it's wrong, or that I should get ready and go in anyway.
On the plus side, I did get the parking alternation thing squared away, so, at least I won't get a ticket. The parking violation bureau rarely rests. I just got a ticket the other day...( yuck!)
I feel bad for everyone else in my family, anyone who had to work.
I pray for their safety, well being and security, of course, all filled up with my love.
I will not allow myself to waste this day. This is a good start. This would be a great day to work on my closet, i.e. my nemesis, and free that clutter and wasted space from my life. I need to go in and do total Recon-Before that, I see a litterbox that needs some changing, 1st, maybe more coffee...
I can't believe all the comedy on t.v. during the day...Awesome, I have gotten a couple good laughs this morning, so hay, why not...
I keep trying to be a better person. I feel like I have not done so hot, a few times recently. Let's just say that I am trying and observing, so maybe as a result, I am that much more self critical. Let us just say that me thinks that I think too much. Always been my weakness, I am full blown Good at it now. I can't just relax into an experience, I have to contemplate and analyze.
I need to practice the art of Relaxing.
I need to practice giving myself a break.
Stop thinking that things have to be more complicated then they are. I know that everything does not have to be so hard. I have to remember that life is supposed to include elements of joy.
I need to start working on the joy, and a little less on the thinking, I need to begin relaxing into the moment, the experience. This will require some form of meditation, which I have still been erratic on. However, I see that I will need to establish some sort of something there as that will help bring me peace. Just some time in the quiet, not thinking. What an idea, what a concept. I am open to the experience, and I invite it to come.
Bless This Day, Make It Positive, Safe, Harmonious And Productive. I will do the best possible things for myself.
Bless My Family, Friends And Loved Ones, Please, Lord, Help To Keep Us All Safe!
Thank You God, Bless Us All, Amen, and NAMASTE!
So, after taking a personal day off work yesterday, we get a snow day today- so, instead of relaxing into the fact that we have the day off, I sit here and feel like it's wrong, or that I should get ready and go in anyway.
On the plus side, I did get the parking alternation thing squared away, so, at least I won't get a ticket. The parking violation bureau rarely rests. I just got a ticket the other day...( yuck!)
I feel bad for everyone else in my family, anyone who had to work.
I pray for their safety, well being and security, of course, all filled up with my love.
I will not allow myself to waste this day. This is a good start. This would be a great day to work on my closet, i.e. my nemesis, and free that clutter and wasted space from my life. I need to go in and do total Recon-Before that, I see a litterbox that needs some changing, 1st, maybe more coffee...
I can't believe all the comedy on t.v. during the day...Awesome, I have gotten a couple good laughs this morning, so hay, why not...
I keep trying to be a better person. I feel like I have not done so hot, a few times recently. Let's just say that I am trying and observing, so maybe as a result, I am that much more self critical. Let us just say that me thinks that I think too much. Always been my weakness, I am full blown Good at it now. I can't just relax into an experience, I have to contemplate and analyze.
I need to practice the art of Relaxing.
I need to practice giving myself a break.
Stop thinking that things have to be more complicated then they are. I know that everything does not have to be so hard. I have to remember that life is supposed to include elements of joy.
I need to start working on the joy, and a little less on the thinking, I need to begin relaxing into the moment, the experience. This will require some form of meditation, which I have still been erratic on. However, I see that I will need to establish some sort of something there as that will help bring me peace. Just some time in the quiet, not thinking. What an idea, what a concept. I am open to the experience, and I invite it to come.
Bless This Day, Make It Positive, Safe, Harmonious And Productive. I will do the best possible things for myself.
Bless My Family, Friends And Loved Ones, Please, Lord, Help To Keep Us All Safe!
Thank You God, Bless Us All, Amen, and NAMASTE!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Moody Saturday
Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
It started normally enough...Shash pawing at my face to awaken me, cos' she was hungry, and she is the Queen of the house. I just pay rent so that her and Floof can run the place. I also found that when I set up my coffee last night, I inadvertently turned on the timer, so the coffee was brewing at 6:30, and I didn't get out of bed until 8, so the coffee was already rotten by the time I awoke, so, I drank it anyway.
I had all these things that I was gonna do. I took a shower, made FRESH coffee, and decided that I really needed a nap at around 11:30 cos' the sleep I had was incomplete.
I fell out a little after 12 and it was the nicest rest, Floof was next to me, all warm and purry like she does, and it was the best nap I had in ages. Then the phone woke me, and it was a wrong number, so the call was not even intended for me. I laid back down, and I kept hearing this motorcycle revving next door, and then I became aware of the exhaust stink permeating the atmosphere, seeping through the windows, and I knew that I could not go back to sleep.
I finally started getting ready to get going, and I went outside to check the weather, and I spot a bill from the phone company, i.e. internet provider. For some reason, I opened it, and I am glad that I did, as it appeared to be a cancellation notice! Imagine my shock, I went through all this stuff with the phone company a few weeks ago, re: a scam by an outside company that cold calls, blah blah blah that tells you that you will save money if you switch long distance carriers, turns out it was bs, and that it voided the phone package I had thus 3x my bill. So I had called the company a few weeks back, thought it was all straightened out, I figure this was an error, but, I paid it anyway, after a lean week before payday as it is, and let's just say that I was not too happy.
So unhappy, that I killed the handicapped remote that I had nearly murdered a few times before. It had to go, it was on it's last legs and all that. Let's just say that the notice did not create positive events initially...
I am not proud.
Then, I left to drive to the Res to buy what I hope will be one of my last ever cartons of cigarettes, and the beginning of the trip was tense. I nearly rear end somebody at a light, I dropped a lit cigarette under my seat, had to pull over to find it, then realize that I had to cool myself out, so, I start praying. First all formal, my standard prayer, then more diligent, and natural, like I am talking out loud, just working it through, and finally, PEACE starts to come.
I get to the Res, in and out, drive all that way for an exchange that takes about 45 seconds, and on the way back the Jabez prayer comes to me, and I start saying it over and over again.
Oh Lord, That you would bless me indeed, and expand my territory, that your hand would be with me and that you would keep me from evil.
Once I hit the city I am CALM, very much at peace, and I know that if I can continue this prayer, I will be alright.
I go to John's as I have a carton of cigs for him, and the whole time the prayer keeps playing in my head, I just keep repeating it.
Then, I go to his house for a while, drink a beer, still okay.
By the end of the second beer, I am ready to slam him.
It occured to me how much I did not want to be there, and I started to get together to leave, and I just wanted to void him from my life.
He didn't do anything different then what he usually does. He was actually pretty normal for him. I just had to get out of there.
When I get home, I find the lost battery to my remote, and tried to repair it, to no avail. I really killed it this time.
Oh well.
Then, I see that I have 2 messages, another one from my brother Lance, saying that he is hanging out with my brother Leigh and that they want to see what I was up to.
The other is from my mom. Apparently we are all going to eat tomorrow after 5, and I am invited. I almost called to say No, that I wasn't going. Then, I didn't. I just started bawling. Tears of frustration.
Then, I git here, figured I would air myself out, and I guess I feel better.
It's just that I am beginning to see that there are so many holes in my life, so many big blank spots that need to be filled, and that they can't be filled by beer, or John, or new clothes, or anything tangible.
I guess the answer is that the holes in my life can only be filled by God, or some higher power, and that is really where I need to put my attention in the present.
On becoming a better person through the cultivation of faith, guidance and love.
There is no other way.
With that, I close this piece to sort my thoughts, pray my prayers, and return to a place of PEACE.
Goodnight, God Bless, Amen and always, NAMASTE!
It started normally enough...Shash pawing at my face to awaken me, cos' she was hungry, and she is the Queen of the house. I just pay rent so that her and Floof can run the place. I also found that when I set up my coffee last night, I inadvertently turned on the timer, so the coffee was brewing at 6:30, and I didn't get out of bed until 8, so the coffee was already rotten by the time I awoke, so, I drank it anyway.
I had all these things that I was gonna do. I took a shower, made FRESH coffee, and decided that I really needed a nap at around 11:30 cos' the sleep I had was incomplete.
I fell out a little after 12 and it was the nicest rest, Floof was next to me, all warm and purry like she does, and it was the best nap I had in ages. Then the phone woke me, and it was a wrong number, so the call was not even intended for me. I laid back down, and I kept hearing this motorcycle revving next door, and then I became aware of the exhaust stink permeating the atmosphere, seeping through the windows, and I knew that I could not go back to sleep.
I finally started getting ready to get going, and I went outside to check the weather, and I spot a bill from the phone company, i.e. internet provider. For some reason, I opened it, and I am glad that I did, as it appeared to be a cancellation notice! Imagine my shock, I went through all this stuff with the phone company a few weeks ago, re: a scam by an outside company that cold calls, blah blah blah that tells you that you will save money if you switch long distance carriers, turns out it was bs, and that it voided the phone package I had thus 3x my bill. So I had called the company a few weeks back, thought it was all straightened out, I figure this was an error, but, I paid it anyway, after a lean week before payday as it is, and let's just say that I was not too happy.
So unhappy, that I killed the handicapped remote that I had nearly murdered a few times before. It had to go, it was on it's last legs and all that. Let's just say that the notice did not create positive events initially...
I am not proud.
Then, I left to drive to the Res to buy what I hope will be one of my last ever cartons of cigarettes, and the beginning of the trip was tense. I nearly rear end somebody at a light, I dropped a lit cigarette under my seat, had to pull over to find it, then realize that I had to cool myself out, so, I start praying. First all formal, my standard prayer, then more diligent, and natural, like I am talking out loud, just working it through, and finally, PEACE starts to come.
I get to the Res, in and out, drive all that way for an exchange that takes about 45 seconds, and on the way back the Jabez prayer comes to me, and I start saying it over and over again.
Oh Lord, That you would bless me indeed, and expand my territory, that your hand would be with me and that you would keep me from evil.
Once I hit the city I am CALM, very much at peace, and I know that if I can continue this prayer, I will be alright.
I go to John's as I have a carton of cigs for him, and the whole time the prayer keeps playing in my head, I just keep repeating it.
Then, I go to his house for a while, drink a beer, still okay.
By the end of the second beer, I am ready to slam him.
It occured to me how much I did not want to be there, and I started to get together to leave, and I just wanted to void him from my life.
He didn't do anything different then what he usually does. He was actually pretty normal for him. I just had to get out of there.
When I get home, I find the lost battery to my remote, and tried to repair it, to no avail. I really killed it this time.
Oh well.
Then, I see that I have 2 messages, another one from my brother Lance, saying that he is hanging out with my brother Leigh and that they want to see what I was up to.
The other is from my mom. Apparently we are all going to eat tomorrow after 5, and I am invited. I almost called to say No, that I wasn't going. Then, I didn't. I just started bawling. Tears of frustration.
Then, I git here, figured I would air myself out, and I guess I feel better.
It's just that I am beginning to see that there are so many holes in my life, so many big blank spots that need to be filled, and that they can't be filled by beer, or John, or new clothes, or anything tangible.
I guess the answer is that the holes in my life can only be filled by God, or some higher power, and that is really where I need to put my attention in the present.
On becoming a better person through the cultivation of faith, guidance and love.
There is no other way.
With that, I close this piece to sort my thoughts, pray my prayers, and return to a place of PEACE.
Goodnight, God Bless, Amen and always, NAMASTE!
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