Monday After The Rest....

Create A Rewarding Life.

FAITH KNOWS!
I was so grumpy early today. I did not seem to want to get out of bed. I got to work and there were 2 hours of cleaning up book catastrophes, then the book cages started rolling in, and chaos reigned.

Enough about work, the chaos dissipated, replaced with a dull lethargy that I carried throughout the day.
There were many thoughts crashing through my brain today. There I was stuck in the past that seemed to be interfering with the simplicity of my present.

It's like I want him to go so far away and that I also want to know that he is there.


The wishes and wantings that carry you through, that dream of something better for yourself, with little forward motion.

The hope that some day this will be the right time.

Easy to talk yourself out of it, easy to lose the way, and to go and forget...

To convince yourself that you will really change this.

Why so nervous?

Why so scared?

What are you waiting for?

..................................................................................

Every dot in that line was a second. See how quickly it passes.

Makes you think, doesn't it???

It sure is making me think. ALOT.

Time to let go, and Trust.

Just something to Think ABout Tonight.

Peace, Love, God Bless, Amen and as always...Namaste.

The Day After Continued

Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!

Go figure that I inadvertently submitted my last post 2 sentences in...
There are no accidents, maybe I am not supposed to touch that intended subject.

I struggle as of late with my own expectations and ideals. I know, that I want something different, something with more substance. I cannot yet determine if that something different is spiritual, physical, romantic. I cannot label it, and therefore, I cannot name it.

I get so caught up in the observations, that I miss the experiences.

I have the need to meet new people, and broaden my personal horizons, and this shy kid, who lives, way beneath the surface comes up, and reminds me that I should not take the chance, and the what ifs begin. I know, that it is all a bunch of crap. I realize that the life I have will not magically change into the life that I want, and it is necessary that I participate.

I just have to tap into that source of courage, find that spunky chick I know that I can be, and get out there in the world and take more risks.

Christmas is coming, and, as opposed to lots of pretty, well wrapped presents, I would really like some new, healthy, balanced friendships, and I have to get out there and start making them happen.

It seems that there is so much much excitement, and I have been sitting alone, on the other side of this imaginary wall. Everyone else is beautiful, and having fun, and meeting new people, and I am playing the role of well dressed, fashionable recluse!

I know, that is a little melodramatic. I just think that I need to get out in the marketplace of life right now, Like the TAO says. I think this is the time where the bnest thing for me is being in motion, being in the moment, and learning through the experiences, and chill a little on the independent observations. Yes, I* will still observe, I will justcall out all my strengths, harness my confidence, and get out in the world and observe life from an active, participating place. Live in it, breathe it, experience it, and see what fresh insight will arise from that perspective. So help me god. The time has come for some good, healthy, invigorating change.

Let us begin a new.

I love you god, thank you for all that you do, in all the ways you do it.

Peace, Love amen and NAMASTE!

Thanksgiving, The Day After

Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!

What is it about the holidays? The expectations, the rise in tension, the need to be a people pleaser.
Norman Rockwell Painting, I and my family are not. I am sure that this is how it is in most households

Monday, Ongoing Awareness, It is Always At Work

Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!
This is great, I have a plan to write. However, first I have to paste a Daily Om from Today. This is great. I think it ties in with the idea I have to write:

November 16, 2009
Owning Your Emotions
Name It and Claim It

Our feelings can sometimes present a very challenging aspect of our lives. We experience intense emotions without understanding precisely why and consequently find it difficult to identify the solutions that will soothe our distressed minds and hearts. Yet it is only when we are capable of naming our feelings that we can tame them by finding an appropriate resolution. We retake control of our personal power by becoming courageous enough to articulate, out loud and concisely, the essence of our emotions. Our assuming ownership of the challenges before us in this way empowers us to shift from one emotional state to another—we can let go of pain and upset because we have defined it, examined the effect it had on our lives, and then exerted our authority over it by making it our own. By naming our feelings, we claim the right to divest ourselves of them at will.

As you prepare to acknowledge your feelings aloud, gently remind yourself that being specific is an important part of exercising control. Whatever the nature of your feelings, carefully define the reaction taking place within you. If you are afraid of a situation or intimidated by an individual, try not to mince words while giving voice to your anxiety. The precision with which you express yourself is indicative of your overall willingness to stare your feelings in the face without flinching. Naming and claiming cannot always work in the vacuum of the soul. There may be times in which you will find the release you desire only by admitting your feelings before others. When this is the case, your ability to outline your feelings explicitly can help you ask for the support, aid, or guidance you need without becoming mired in the feelings that led you to make such an admission in the first place.

When you have moved past the apprehension associated with expressing your distressing feelings out loud, you may be surprised to discover that you feel liberated and lightened. This is because the act of making a clear connection between your circumstances and your feelings unravels the mystery that previously kept you from being in complete control of your emotional state. To give voice to your feelings, you must necessarily let them go. In the process, you naturally relax and rediscover your emotional equilibrium.

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Well, since last I wrote, I have gifted 2 people different things. They were: The earrings, I also gifted a blouse. Both seem well received. Today, I said it wasn't about the reward. Then, 1st I'll mention I was given a pack of gum the other day, so I thought that was cool!
I got a bill fom my dentist on Saturday. Then, I got another one today. I couldn't understand at first, then I figured that they had to add something. So, I come in, open one, and I see, marked across my bill- Balance Paid In Full. Thank You.

I did not pay that bill.

Amazing. It was My Mom. I figured that out. I called her and thanked her profusely. She had offered me before to help, and I had declined. Well, she went there to get some work done, and asked to pay my bill. She told them that If I called to ask about it, that they were to tell me that the tooth fairy did it. Absolutely wonderful.

All I can say is that keep doing the nice things for the sheer joy of it, not, for the reward.

I have to get my moods under control. I have been feeling off again. I thankfully stopped myself from saying something to someone who rubbed me the wrong way. A few people did. It's like people full of their own trouble like to spread it around. Me, I just stay in the cage and do my work. I don't go and seek the others out. Gosh, How angry I got today, and I tried to suck it back, talk myself down. I haven't been as diligent as I need to be in my prayers as of late, and I have to set that straight.

I need to do all the things that are good for me. I need to hypnotize myself, meditate, get tranquil. I have been out of sandalwood for weeks, as they were shipping it by water from India to Surya, and I got a warning letter, 4-6 weeks without my sandalwood. I can feel just how much I miss it. I think that has contributed to my mood as of late. I need the things in my life that balance me, and keep me whole. I believe in something bigger then the dreck that is so easy to get sucked into. There is more to life then getting angry and getting by, that whole thing with getting through the day is crap. Every day becomes another day that has to be gotten through, and where is the joy in that?

I have to remember that and spend more time focused on the things that make me feel better, and less on what I don't need.

I must spend my time and thoughts with care, as all things in life are an investment.

Thanks again Neville, you inspire me. That reminds me, I saw the book your faith is your fortune in my dream the other night, and I know, Know, Know that I have to read it again, as this is the time to begin strengthening that faith again, as it can take me so many amazing places. Lest ye had faith you could move mountains. I am ready, to move those Mountains. Or in the truest measure of faith...What Mountains???

Epiphany

Create A Rewarding Life. FAITH KNOWS!

I was sitting here, lost in the world of my thoughts, when at last it occured to me, what is the anxiety, the tension coursing through my body as of late. Feeling the twinge of a cold, that I shall conquer! I see that I have been so caught again, in my thoughts...Pulling away from the past, and wondering about the future, and I knew, again, that the place I have to be is in the here and now, so caught up in what has been or what will be. Why not embrace the here and now? Why get caught at all? When you know what it is, and what it means. Why be anywhere else.

I had this idea, about giving everyone I know a small gift. Then, I thought about it and decided that it was a bad idea. Because, how could I do it in a way that could just be neutral and nice?

See, this is the thinking thing,

If we all did things that came from a place that was just pure of heart we wouldn't worry.

I have this deep frustration towards a local figure in a jewelry commercial. She drives me bananas- and that is not in the Rachel Zoe way, and I try to figure why she bugs me so much. Is it the voice, the clothes, the hair? I don't know, could be a combination of the three. It is irrational to be so aggravated by such a small glimpse of someone...over saturation?

I should be rich. I would be so good at it, trust me.

That was unrelated to any previously mentioned thoughts.

Is worrying genetic???

Are we either born with it, or not. I say that we may be born with a gene, and either our environment feeds those thoughts, parents, siblings, etc.

Think about all the things, at this moment that you have to be excited about. I can name 5, right now!

Find what you know to be good in the here and now, and focus your attention on that. Right now, here, I am writing. That is a BIG Good thing. I drive myself crazy when I don't. Tension with John, have not talked with him since Sunday Morning, and though I miss talking to him because I am USED to talking to him, and good or bad, is that a reason to really miss someone?
Is that enough?

Our lives are balanced through the transitions.
As odd as that may seem, that is the TAO, the way things should be. The tendency is always there to fight, to struggle, to make our point, get our say, whatever. Why do we have to be right all the time?

There is a time for motion, there is chaos, there is rest. This is the nature of things. Accept the balance at play as it happens, don't fight it.

I get a kick out of Dave, the maintenance man at work. He actually adds quite a bit of color to my day. Then, there is Alvin at the Donations door. He tells great stories without a word.
Vicmali, my assistant, that's my girl! She is awesome?Brings her own light to the day, always so sweet and balanced. She gets a kick out of me too! So, it is great!!!

Many good things, give thanks. Have mom on the phone, so gotta go.

Peace, God Bless, Amen, Namaste!!!